[Steve notes that he doesn't answer his initial question which just makes that worry line in his forehead appear. Hand on his hip, he gestures for Eddie to come back in, heading back to the kitchen where he can open the fridge and grab two beers for them.
He sets them on the counter and then gestures to the stove.] Just put yours on. Tell me when it's done.
[He's also got some mushrooms and onions and some fried potatoes already in a bowl.]
[ Eddie follows, watching as Steve goes to the fridge, stepping toward the stove and looking at the meat there with slightly wider eyes than what's called for. But, he goes to work, having something to do with his hands a good distraction. He steals glances over the counter, eyeing the bowl, gaze flicking to the beer, fingers flicking once he's set the steak onto heat. Really, the sizzling could've kept his attention for a good while until an acrid smell of burning might've entered his nose, but Steve's voice pulls him back to reality.
His face and eyes snap back to meet his friend's eyes, knowing he must look wholly out of it, and he steps away from the stove to grab a can of beer. A fingernail fiddles with the tab, not opening it yet, as he slides into a dining room chair. ] Yeah, I dunno man. [ He taps the can. ] This place is pretty fucked. [ His voice comes out squeakier, more desperate, so he finally snaps the tab back to open his beer, bringing the can up to his lips and chugging a good half of it down.
When he lowers it, he breathes out raggedly, setting the can down on the table, but fingers remaining clasped around it. ] Haven't had nightmares like this since... [ his shoulders shake with a pained shake of his head ] shit, maybe ever. [ He knows it's nothing short of miraculous that he hasn't been plagued by nightmares of Chrissy, of the Upside Down, but he's taken that with a quiet gratitude. ]
But. Look -- [ he stops himself, blinking and staring down into his lap before his face straightens again, eyes shut for his first few words. ] I don't know what all has happened to you here, but my past week, few days, haven't been the rollercoaster of debauchery that I was kinda promised when I got here. It's been... [ a pause, his throat feeling like it might close up ] great until it wasn't? And, that's... [ he knows he's not giving the details, that Steve could only guess at what he's getting at. So, with a surge of courage and the knowledge that he really does believe in Steve wanting to help him, he makes a pained sound, exasperated, palm rising to shield his eyes. ]
I turned into this...sex demon, monster, thing and went to the woods, and my...I made it back, and it hasn't popped up again, but now I'm having these nightmares about it, about home, Chrissy, Dustin, and I... [ it all came out in a quick tumble, and his hand only shifts to cover more of his face, tears stinging at his eyes. ]
Yeah, I know. [He's been through his fair share of fucked up shit in this city, something he doesn't entirely hope to open to if he doesn't have to. Instead he just pulls out another plate for Eddie, and he starts to plate his own. But the moment he starts getting into it all, he stops to look at him.
Sex demon. Right. Well that's different than the nightmares Steve had had almost two months ago now.]
I saw some of what happened. Hawkins was like a hellscape, all fire and brimstone. I saw him. [Vecna. His jaw tightens at the memory. He hasn't really gone into the details a whole lot, though Nat knows some of it since she was there when he woke up one night.] They said it was nightmares, but that that was where they were going to return us home to--
You, Chrissy, Max... I saw it all.
[It's harder to swallow now, and he momentarily looks down at the food, suddenly a little less hungry. Yeah, he needs the beer right now.]
[ What do you do when you've turned into a incubus, absolutely fucked and magically drained a number of people out in the woods, once you're back to normal? He didn't even get all their names, he's not sure he'd remember if he tried to. Send out a network-wide apology? He knows he didn't have control, but Eddie doesn't have coping skills to navigate guilt or shame in an effective way. It's dragging him down, but at least he came out and told Steve that it had happened, no intentions to give any other details.
The focus rests on what they can mutually understand, what they might hope to trudge through together. Eddie keeps his hand over his face as Steve speaks, reveals what all he's seen. He feels like he can't breathe again when he says Chrissy, breath pitching and panic setting in.
He can hear Steve as he's busied around in the kitchen, can smell the meat cooking, but he has no appetite or inclination to even reference the food. Instead, he just nods with 'Max,' fingers folding and wiping across his eyes to the bridge of his nose in exasperation (but an attempt to wipe away the tears that have settled in his eyes, too.) He's left looking as torn down as he is with recalling the Upside Down, heart pounding as he lifts the beer back to his mouth, finishing it off and setting the can down. His fingers push against aluminum just so, not crushing, but needing something tactile to do. ]
None of those kids deserve that shit. [ True, but said to fill the space as he thinks of Max. A kid that doesn't put up with shit, strong of will and heart.
He stares away from Steve, settling on the fridge. Several seconds pass before he speaks, voice strained. ] I can't sleep now. I just...keep waking up and... [ his head shakes, eyes shutting for a second, eyes shining. ] It's, like, the worst day of my life just on repeat over and over again, and... [ if only he could just keep on compartmentalizing, but the city's seen to it that he's facing these memories one way or another.
His head turns, lowering toward his shoulder, hand rising again to rest over his brow, eyes shutting. He wills tears to hold back, but the emotion surges out of him to a breaking point. A sound of discomfort, pain, rattles out of him, shoulders shaking in a bit of a laugh to try to cover. ] Mind games for...fun, here. You... [ he swallows, the sound pronounced and pointed ] really...wish you didn't see it, Steve.
[ He wishes no one had to, that Vecna remained only a creature of fiction. A terrible and powerful being only in the stories he fashioned. But for the moment, as his face becomes streaked with tears, he tries to focus on how it's affecting Steve rather than himself. ]
[Food doesn't really sound like the best thing now. He just sort of leans on the counter, running a hand through his hair. He doesn't know everything. He doesn't know that Eddie was there when it all happened to Chrissy. He knows from Eddie's previous time in the city that he knew, that he knew about the Upside Down. Steve hadn't been told about Vecna then, how integral he was to everything. He doesn't know how deep it goes, the connection between Eleven and Vecna or the creation of the Upside Down, but he knows that Eddie knows. He knows now that Vecna exists, that he's killing people.]
It wasn't my choice. All I thought about was you after that. I didn't know any of it before really-- other than what you had told me about Chrissy. [But seeing that kind of horror firsthand is something else. Steve's eyes slowly look back up at him. Despite it being in the early evening, he can tell that Eddie is exhausted.]
Do you-- ugh, want to stay with me? [He's not asking about it sexually like he wants something from him, but that Eddie's welcome to his bed if it makes him feel any better. He doesn't know how Steve could make him feel better about the horrors going on back home, what he's lived through, but he offers still.]
[ Eddie draws small circles on the floor with one foot, nodding heavily when Steve clarifies. He wipes a hand across his face, chest tightening in something like pain when he hears that he's all Steve thought of after the other man had had the nightmares. Then, Chrissy is mentioned again, and he stifles down a hard swallow that cuts into his throat like glass.
Eddie's face can't settle on one emotion when that offer is made, ranging from wider eyes to consideration and back to a tiredness that, if someone didn't know better, they might think is neutrality. His eyes shut after a moment as he forces himself to finally breathe, trying to settle the nerves.
He's nodding before he knows it, brown eyes glancing at the table in front of him. ] Yeah, if you don't mind being woken up every hour. Or, more. [ Of course he wants to stay, but the anxiety roils up and tumbles out of his lips, hurt eyes sliding along the floor. ] And if the, uh, demon thing happens again, I'm gone. [ Because, 110%, he will not stay around Steve while he still has any willpower to decide where to go whilst incubus-ing it up. Thankfully, the transformations are finished and will not resurface, but Eddie doesn't know that.
He breathes in sharply. ] I wanna stay with you, Steve. [ Because only seconds before, he knows he'd been a sarcastic ass, already regretting that. ]
[His attention is on Eddie, watching as he's wrestling with more than he should have to. That's what this place does though, and Steve has a lot of empathy in that moment. He starts to put the food away instead. He frowns.]
It's fine, Eddie. I'd rather you be okay than on your own. If you get up and you're hungry, help yourself to the food. [But he has a feeling he's not going to want to eat now, because not even Steve wants to eat right then. Eddie looks exhausted, too. His eyes look up to meet his, giving him a small frown.]
Come on. Let's head upstairs. Maybe you'll get a few hours of sleep.
[ Eddie's eyes are wide, expression strained, silently saying that he hardly thinks he's really going to be okay any time soon. There's a frown, realizing that he'd interrupted the food making, its eating, but he quickly knows that neither of them have an appetite now. So, he nods about the food being there, giving a soft 'thanks.'
His eyes had drifted away, but he looks over to Steve again when that is prompted. There's a frown on his lips too, brows knitting. ] Now? It's 4, Steve. I can just...try to lay down. [ Though, he's already standing, waiting on his friend to make the first steps to his bedroom. Clearly he's torn about basically anything that comes out of his mouth, the fatigue getting to him. ]
[He puts the food in the fridge, keeping himself busy for the moment. It's not that he's not unaware that he's inviting Eddie back to his room, but it's not really for sexual reasons. Eddie needs to feel safe, and if something happens to happen in those moments, he's not going to take advantage, but let Eddie feel it out.]
You're the one that didn't even know what time it was. Come on. I'm sure you don't even realize how tired you are until you lay down. [He's already heading to the stairs and taking them a few at a time before he's already at his door and opening it for them both.]
[ Eddie frowns at Steve. Man, it's annoying that this guy is 100% correct with that single statement. He softly sighs, stuttering it out. Yeah, he is tired, if he's actually getting frustrated at Steve for pointing out the obvious, when it's clear the other only wants to help.
Still, he gives another sigh, annoyed that it's his first reaction, but Steve's off and heading to his bedroom. Face faltering even more, he hurries up after him, a bundle of anxiety and nerves, panic itching to set in.
He steps into the room, shoulders actually easing a bit at the familiarity. His eyes settle on Steve's bed, a languid blink before he glances over to his friend. ] You're gonna...lay down with me? [ Look, he's tired, and still not really expecting that. But he also doesn't expect Steve to just hang out off the bed. And so help him, his voice is more strained, eyes more than a touch desperate for him to say yes, to that. As if it isn't already clear what Steve intends.
He hesitates, just sort of shifting his foot back and forth on the floor, blinking and looking back at the bed. ]
[He can sense the sort of tension that builds as he gets into his room. He shrugs, looking back from the bed to Eddie with a nod. Like where else are they going to lay down.]
You look like you could use it. [He gestures. Is he all that tired? Not extremely, but he did work earlier, so he can lay down. He bats at Eddie's arm.]
[ There's no navigating this for Eddie, no matters its simplicity.
Eddie gives an unsure look to the bed, for no other reason than general hesitance seeming to live in his veins for the moment, scratching his neck. The touch to his arm makes his face turn to Steve, and he slowly nods once. ] Okay.
[ He steps ahead first, hesitating at the edge of the bed before he takes his jeans off, sort of half-folding them before he gingerly drops them on the floor. Blanket being pulled back, he peers over at his friend ] Thanks. [ And he's slipping in, going into an awkward sort of start to a curl, facing the middle of the bed, body still tense but it does always feel comforting to be in Steve's bed, at least. ]
[Steve considers just getting into bed with his jeans on, because he's likely not going to fall asleep, but that's not exactly comfortable, so he's shrugging his own pants off quickly, letting them fall where he stands. After Eddie moves the covers back and crawls in, he watches for a moment, and that sort of image just pulls at him.
He can only imagine what he's going through, and Steve's heart is too big to let him go through it alone. So he scoots into the bed next to him, pulls the covers over them both and moves to be Eddie's big spoon, quietly putting an arm around him.
He lets the silence overtake them for a moment, not really needing to say anything in that moment before he does eventually break it.]
Hey, I know it sucks here sometimes. But it'll be okay.
[ Eddie's let his gaze settle over the sheets and pillow, safe and secure in Steve's room, so he tries to let himself ease back into all of the times he's felt that way before.
He doesn't look to see how Steve gets into the bed, breath sharp when he feels an arm go around him. It's really, really nice though, and the physical contact is exactly what he needs to not fray further.
Eddie doesn't remember the last time he's cuddled like this with someone, so it's comforting but at least a touch unfamiliar, with Steve even more so. He shuts his eyes, toes curling, breathing in and holding his breath when Steve speaks. He isn't even sure if he'd expected anything like that, or if his friend was going to stay there to be a presence while he tried to fall asleep.
He finally breathes out, head wanting to nod but not. Instead Eddie shifts to tuck himself in closer against Steve, letting his bottom curve in so there's no space between them, a foot moving to slightly hook against one of Steve's. He takes the hand of Steve's arm that's around him, curling the other's fingers so they wrap around his own hand, wanting to keep himself as attached as he could be.
He waits several seconds before speaking, breathing in and out, heartbeat steadying out. ] Yeah. Being with you makes it better. [ His eyes shut again, head nestling into his pillow. ] But...you don't have to go through it alone either. [ Because above it all, he's going to center right back around to wanting to be there for Steve too, even if he's the one who's been in more dire straits of late. ]
[Steve doesn't know the extent of everything that Eddie's been through, especially with literally being hunted for what happened to Chrissy. He just knows that his friend, someone he cares about, is going through a tough time here, and if he can help, he will.
It might be simple. It's not swinging a bat at a monster, but that doesn't mean he can't do something. So he just keeps himself as close to Eddie as he can right now. The fact that Eddie reciprocates and leans into this does make him feel like he's doing something right though. He can be an anchor for him here. That feels good and what he knows he's been longing for here.]
I know. I'm just sort of used to it here. Not that like bad things don't stop happening, but to some extent, you also learn what you need to like get through the day. Things like this though? It's good to have. [And he hasn't had a whole lot of that. The people he did are all gone now.]
[ Tucking into Steve, comfortable and easing into his bed the longer they're laying down, does feel like the safest harbor Eddie has been in for days. Maybe since he'd come to the city, perhaps even before in Hawkins. He trudges through a lot alone, isn't used to this sort of affection and compassion, easing into it like a thirst being sated.
His breathing is steady, former panic finally gone, as he listens. There's a little sad smile: he knows what it's like learning how to cope through the harder days. His head faintly nods. ] Yeah. It's. Well. It's the best, Steve. It's...what I needed.
[ His eyes shut, yawn interrupting the quiet pause he could've been making. ] Just, don't know what anyone gets from me reliving that. Seeing her die. It...doesn't make sense, man. [ His voice is a touch shakier and his chest tightens, but he's able to say the words without breaking down, cuddled up to Steve and staying tightly there. ]
[He's never really had this before. He likes to think Nancy could come to him when they were dating, but it's not like he had fully matured, yet. This place helped in that as much as every challenge the Upside Down threw at them, too. Doesn't make it any easier, but he likes to think if anyone needed him, he'd be there no matter what.
Especially when it's someone he clearly cares about. It might be even more complicated with Eddie than Steve realizes, but he's not really thinking about any of that. In his defense he hasn't thought a whole lot about a lot. He sort of stumbled into his own sexuality in the city when doing things with guys just felt right. He's dated a bit, too, but nothing that's ever made him commit despite the fact that settling down has been something he's wanted.
But this just feels right, so he keeps his arm tight around Eddie's middle, just listening for now.]
Think it keeps us down. If we're always distracted, always reacting to the things they do to us, can't ever really fight them. It's fucked up, and you don't deserve that. None of us do. [Some people in the city have been through too much already. Like Eddie. He doesn't need to be reminded about the horrors he's already lived through.]
[ Eddie had hesitated on reaching out to anyone once Kalecgos had flown him out of the forest and went back to the Down's motel with him. He'd gone on a walk to get away from everyone, ending up at the Solace Tree (which, worst name ever considering the (uncustomary) effect it had on him) before locking himself in his room. When sleep wouldn't hold without nightmares, his fingers had rushed to finally text Steve. There's really no one else he would've wanted to go, could trust with how heavy he feels.
He's able to slowly compartmentalize the harder parts again, slipping recent and past memories into their boxes again, now that he can breathe with Steve's arm around him. There's no room to think about if there's more between them, not while he's as fatigued as he is. And really, he's not had much room to ever really contemplate if there's more between anyone else and himself.
His breath comes out a little shaky with Steve's direct answer. He agrees with it, smile tugging at his lips with the compassion. He's not sure how he ever thought Steve could be anything other than a good guy, not even when he was a dickish, more immature version of himself. Not like Eddie's always a ray of sunshine: plus, jocks are the kids he's been the most loud and obnoxious to, really.
That warmth building in his chest, he shifts to look at Steve over his shoulder, leaning in awkwardly and suddenly, planting a quick kiss on his lips. Best as he can, with the awkward angle. And he's looking back over the bed again right away, nothing suggestive or sexual about it. He'd wanted to do it, appreciating Steve for all he says and does. ] No, we don't. But at least neither of us are alone. I'm glad, that we have each other.
[ Because he really doesn't think he could survive the way he's felt that day without someone who provides so safe a space as Steve does. ]
[His eyes are on Eddie, well mostly the side of his face that he can see from the position of laying behind him. He doesn't move, keeping himself like a steady force behind the other. He knows what it's like to be shaken by this place, and while Nat had tried to help, he could have used something like this. And he thinks Eddie deserves that sort of comfort.
The kiss catches him off guard for a moment. They've already fooled around, made out, but that was something sexual. This clearly isn't, and it hits him. He has wanted something more for awhile, and while there were people he had gotten close with in the city, it just worked out for various reasons. Steve holds him closer then, reciprocating the feeling.]
I am glad you came back. I know it's shitty, and you don't remember, but... I'm glad. [He isn't alone. That's a good feeling.]
[ Eddie doesn't overthink, he rushes forward with what feels right and good. In this case, he's still a bundle of nerves and anxiety that's held together only by Steve's arm around him, the warmth they build centering him. Those all too familiar sheets and linens, soft pillows and the rise and fall of Steve's breathing. The kiss felt natural, necessary as it shot out of him, lips and brain on the same wavelength of needing to deliver the gesture.
A breath, shallow and deep from his throat, rolls up and into his mouth, forming a small sound of relief and satisfaction when Steve pulls him closer.
He hums a faint laugh at 'shitty,' pressing in against Steve, eyes shutting with a roll of his head where it rested. ] Not remembering, it's okay. Think I played catch up pretty okay. [ A yawn, another little push back toward Steve, wanting to be as confident as possible that there was no room between them, that he was as close as he could get before falling asleep. ]
Guess someone thought we should both be here, huh? [ Another shorter yawn.
A faint hum, and Eddie's breathing starts to even out, hand under Steve's growing limper as he drifts off to sleep. ]
[Steve lays on his side, keeping himself still. He's not that tired, but he doesn't particularly mind laying like this. It's a good chance to unwind, getting things off his chest already. It's slow going, building up to what he can start to feel in his chest, but there's a lot of factors in the city.
But he'll take this, hearing the way Eddie breathes and lays against him. He doesn't really answer the question he posits, but he does think about that. About being with him in the city. It's phrased in a certain way that just hits Steve again, and he just stays there considering it until he can hear the steady breaths coming from Eddie. It's a telltale sign he's fallen asleep. He'll lie there for awhile, just taking in the feeling of the other laying curled against him.]
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He sets them on the counter and then gestures to the stove.] Just put yours on. Tell me when it's done.
[He's also got some mushrooms and onions and some fried potatoes already in a bowl.]
Come on. Sit down, tell me what happened.
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His face and eyes snap back to meet his friend's eyes, knowing he must look wholly out of it, and he steps away from the stove to grab a can of beer. A fingernail fiddles with the tab, not opening it yet, as he slides into a dining room chair. ] Yeah, I dunno man. [ He taps the can. ] This place is pretty fucked. [ His voice comes out squeakier, more desperate, so he finally snaps the tab back to open his beer, bringing the can up to his lips and chugging a good half of it down.
When he lowers it, he breathes out raggedly, setting the can down on the table, but fingers remaining clasped around it. ] Haven't had nightmares like this since... [ his shoulders shake with a pained shake of his head ] shit, maybe ever. [ He knows it's nothing short of miraculous that he hasn't been plagued by nightmares of Chrissy, of the Upside Down, but he's taken that with a quiet gratitude. ]
But. Look -- [ he stops himself, blinking and staring down into his lap before his face straightens again, eyes shut for his first few words. ] I don't know what all has happened to you here, but my past week, few days, haven't been the rollercoaster of debauchery that I was kinda promised when I got here. It's been... [ a pause, his throat feeling like it might close up ] great until it wasn't? And, that's... [ he knows he's not giving the details, that Steve could only guess at what he's getting at. So, with a surge of courage and the knowledge that he really does believe in Steve wanting to help him, he makes a pained sound, exasperated, palm rising to shield his eyes. ]
I turned into this...sex demon, monster, thing and went to the woods, and my...I made it back, and it hasn't popped up again, but now I'm having these nightmares about it, about home, Chrissy, Dustin, and I... [ it all came out in a quick tumble, and his hand only shifts to cover more of his face, tears stinging at his eyes. ]
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Sex demon. Right. Well that's different than the nightmares Steve had had almost two months ago now.]
I saw some of what happened. Hawkins was like a hellscape, all fire and brimstone. I saw him. [Vecna. His jaw tightens at the memory. He hasn't really gone into the details a whole lot, though Nat knows some of it since she was there when he woke up one night.] They said it was nightmares, but that that was where they were going to return us home to--
You, Chrissy, Max... I saw it all.
[It's harder to swallow now, and he momentarily looks down at the food, suddenly a little less hungry. Yeah, he needs the beer right now.]
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The focus rests on what they can mutually understand, what they might hope to trudge through together. Eddie keeps his hand over his face as Steve speaks, reveals what all he's seen. He feels like he can't breathe again when he says Chrissy, breath pitching and panic setting in.
He can hear Steve as he's busied around in the kitchen, can smell the meat cooking, but he has no appetite or inclination to even reference the food. Instead, he just nods with 'Max,' fingers folding and wiping across his eyes to the bridge of his nose in exasperation (but an attempt to wipe away the tears that have settled in his eyes, too.) He's left looking as torn down as he is with recalling the Upside Down, heart pounding as he lifts the beer back to his mouth, finishing it off and setting the can down. His fingers push against aluminum just so, not crushing, but needing something tactile to do. ]
None of those kids deserve that shit. [ True, but said to fill the space as he thinks of Max. A kid that doesn't put up with shit, strong of will and heart.
He stares away from Steve, settling on the fridge. Several seconds pass before he speaks, voice strained. ] I can't sleep now. I just...keep waking up and... [ his head shakes, eyes shutting for a second, eyes shining. ] It's, like, the worst day of my life just on repeat over and over again, and... [ if only he could just keep on compartmentalizing, but the city's seen to it that he's facing these memories one way or another.
His head turns, lowering toward his shoulder, hand rising again to rest over his brow, eyes shutting. He wills tears to hold back, but the emotion surges out of him to a breaking point. A sound of discomfort, pain, rattles out of him, shoulders shaking in a bit of a laugh to try to cover. ] Mind games for...fun, here. You... [ he swallows, the sound pronounced and pointed ] really...wish you didn't see it, Steve.
[ He wishes no one had to, that Vecna remained only a creature of fiction. A terrible and powerful being only in the stories he fashioned. But for the moment, as his face becomes streaked with tears, he tries to focus on how it's affecting Steve rather than himself. ]
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It wasn't my choice. All I thought about was you after that. I didn't know any of it before really-- other than what you had told me about Chrissy. [But seeing that kind of horror firsthand is something else. Steve's eyes slowly look back up at him. Despite it being in the early evening, he can tell that Eddie is exhausted.]
Do you-- ugh, want to stay with me? [He's not asking about it sexually like he wants something from him, but that Eddie's welcome to his bed if it makes him feel any better. He doesn't know how Steve could make him feel better about the horrors going on back home, what he's lived through, but he offers still.]
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Eddie's face can't settle on one emotion when that offer is made, ranging from wider eyes to consideration and back to a tiredness that, if someone didn't know better, they might think is neutrality. His eyes shut after a moment as he forces himself to finally breathe, trying to settle the nerves.
He's nodding before he knows it, brown eyes glancing at the table in front of him. ] Yeah, if you don't mind being woken up every hour. Or, more. [ Of course he wants to stay, but the anxiety roils up and tumbles out of his lips, hurt eyes sliding along the floor. ] And if the, uh, demon thing happens again, I'm gone. [ Because, 110%, he will not stay around Steve while he still has any willpower to decide where to go whilst incubus-ing it up. Thankfully, the transformations are finished and will not resurface, but Eddie doesn't know that.
He breathes in sharply. ] I wanna stay with you, Steve. [ Because only seconds before, he knows he'd been a sarcastic ass, already regretting that. ]
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It's fine, Eddie. I'd rather you be okay than on your own. If you get up and you're hungry, help yourself to the food. [But he has a feeling he's not going to want to eat now, because not even Steve wants to eat right then. Eddie looks exhausted, too. His eyes look up to meet his, giving him a small frown.]
Come on. Let's head upstairs. Maybe you'll get a few hours of sleep.
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His eyes had drifted away, but he looks over to Steve again when that is prompted. There's a frown on his lips too, brows knitting. ] Now? It's 4, Steve. I can just...try to lay down. [ Though, he's already standing, waiting on his friend to make the first steps to his bedroom. Clearly he's torn about basically anything that comes out of his mouth, the fatigue getting to him. ]
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You're the one that didn't even know what time it was. Come on. I'm sure you don't even realize how tired you are until you lay down. [He's already heading to the stairs and taking them a few at a time before he's already at his door and opening it for them both.]
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Still, he gives another sigh, annoyed that it's his first reaction, but Steve's off and heading to his bedroom. Face faltering even more, he hurries up after him, a bundle of anxiety and nerves, panic itching to set in.
He steps into the room, shoulders actually easing a bit at the familiarity. His eyes settle on Steve's bed, a languid blink before he glances over to his friend. ] You're gonna...lay down with me? [ Look, he's tired, and still not really expecting that. But he also doesn't expect Steve to just hang out off the bed. And so help him, his voice is more strained, eyes more than a touch desperate for him to say yes, to that. As if it isn't already clear what Steve intends.
He hesitates, just sort of shifting his foot back and forth on the floor, blinking and looking back at the bed. ]
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You look like you could use it. [He gestures. Is he all that tired? Not extremely, but he did work earlier, so he can lay down. He bats at Eddie's arm.]
Come on. Get in. [He tries to usher him in.]
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Eddie gives an unsure look to the bed, for no other reason than general hesitance seeming to live in his veins for the moment, scratching his neck. The touch to his arm makes his face turn to Steve, and he slowly nods once. ] Okay.
[ He steps ahead first, hesitating at the edge of the bed before he takes his jeans off, sort of half-folding them before he gingerly drops them on the floor. Blanket being pulled back, he peers over at his friend ] Thanks. [ And he's slipping in, going into an awkward sort of start to a curl, facing the middle of the bed, body still tense but it does always feel comforting to be in Steve's bed, at least. ]
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He can only imagine what he's going through, and Steve's heart is too big to let him go through it alone. So he scoots into the bed next to him, pulls the covers over them both and moves to be Eddie's big spoon, quietly putting an arm around him.
He lets the silence overtake them for a moment, not really needing to say anything in that moment before he does eventually break it.]
Hey, I know it sucks here sometimes. But it'll be okay.
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He doesn't look to see how Steve gets into the bed, breath sharp when he feels an arm go around him. It's really, really nice though, and the physical contact is exactly what he needs to not fray further.
Eddie doesn't remember the last time he's cuddled like this with someone, so it's comforting but at least a touch unfamiliar, with Steve even more so. He shuts his eyes, toes curling, breathing in and holding his breath when Steve speaks. He isn't even sure if he'd expected anything like that, or if his friend was going to stay there to be a presence while he tried to fall asleep.
He finally breathes out, head wanting to nod but not. Instead Eddie shifts to tuck himself in closer against Steve, letting his bottom curve in so there's no space between them, a foot moving to slightly hook against one of Steve's. He takes the hand of Steve's arm that's around him, curling the other's fingers so they wrap around his own hand, wanting to keep himself as attached as he could be.
He waits several seconds before speaking, breathing in and out, heartbeat steadying out. ] Yeah. Being with you makes it better. [ His eyes shut again, head nestling into his pillow. ] But...you don't have to go through it alone either. [ Because above it all, he's going to center right back around to wanting to be there for Steve too, even if he's the one who's been in more dire straits of late. ]
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It might be simple. It's not swinging a bat at a monster, but that doesn't mean he can't do something. So he just keeps himself as close to Eddie as he can right now. The fact that Eddie reciprocates and leans into this does make him feel like he's doing something right though. He can be an anchor for him here. That feels good and what he knows he's been longing for here.]
I know. I'm just sort of used to it here. Not that like bad things don't stop happening, but to some extent, you also learn what you need to like get through the day. Things like this though? It's good to have. [And he hasn't had a whole lot of that. The people he did are all gone now.]
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His breathing is steady, former panic finally gone, as he listens. There's a little sad smile: he knows what it's like learning how to cope through the harder days. His head faintly nods. ] Yeah. It's. Well. It's the best, Steve. It's...what I needed.
[ His eyes shut, yawn interrupting the quiet pause he could've been making. ] Just, don't know what anyone gets from me reliving that. Seeing her die. It...doesn't make sense, man. [ His voice is a touch shakier and his chest tightens, but he's able to say the words without breaking down, cuddled up to Steve and staying tightly there. ]
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Especially when it's someone he clearly cares about. It might be even more complicated with Eddie than Steve realizes, but he's not really thinking about any of that. In his defense he hasn't thought a whole lot about a lot. He sort of stumbled into his own sexuality in the city when doing things with guys just felt right. He's dated a bit, too, but nothing that's ever made him commit despite the fact that settling down has been something he's wanted.
But this just feels right, so he keeps his arm tight around Eddie's middle, just listening for now.]
Think it keeps us down. If we're always distracted, always reacting to the things they do to us, can't ever really fight them. It's fucked up, and you don't deserve that. None of us do. [Some people in the city have been through too much already. Like Eddie. He doesn't need to be reminded about the horrors he's already lived through.]
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He's able to slowly compartmentalize the harder parts again, slipping recent and past memories into their boxes again, now that he can breathe with Steve's arm around him. There's no room to think about if there's more between them, not while he's as fatigued as he is. And really, he's not had much room to ever really contemplate if there's more between anyone else and himself.
His breath comes out a little shaky with Steve's direct answer. He agrees with it, smile tugging at his lips with the compassion. He's not sure how he ever thought Steve could be anything other than a good guy, not even when he was a dickish, more immature version of himself. Not like Eddie's always a ray of sunshine: plus, jocks are the kids he's been the most loud and obnoxious to, really.
That warmth building in his chest, he shifts to look at Steve over his shoulder, leaning in awkwardly and suddenly, planting a quick kiss on his lips. Best as he can, with the awkward angle. And he's looking back over the bed again right away, nothing suggestive or sexual about it. He'd wanted to do it, appreciating Steve for all he says and does. ] No, we don't. But at least neither of us are alone. I'm glad, that we have each other.
[ Because he really doesn't think he could survive the way he's felt that day without someone who provides so safe a space as Steve does. ]
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The kiss catches him off guard for a moment. They've already fooled around, made out, but that was something sexual. This clearly isn't, and it hits him. He has wanted something more for awhile, and while there were people he had gotten close with in the city, it just worked out for various reasons. Steve holds him closer then, reciprocating the feeling.]
I am glad you came back. I know it's shitty, and you don't remember, but... I'm glad. [He isn't alone. That's a good feeling.]
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A breath, shallow and deep from his throat, rolls up and into his mouth, forming a small sound of relief and satisfaction when Steve pulls him closer.
He hums a faint laugh at 'shitty,' pressing in against Steve, eyes shutting with a roll of his head where it rested. ] Not remembering, it's okay. Think I played catch up pretty okay. [ A yawn, another little push back toward Steve, wanting to be as confident as possible that there was no room between them, that he was as close as he could get before falling asleep. ]
Guess someone thought we should both be here, huh? [ Another shorter yawn.
A faint hum, and Eddie's breathing starts to even out, hand under Steve's growing limper as he drifts off to sleep. ]
end?
But he'll take this, hearing the way Eddie breathes and lays against him. He doesn't really answer the question he posits, but he does think about that. About being with him in the city. It's phrased in a certain way that just hits Steve again, and he just stays there considering it until he can hear the steady breaths coming from Eddie. It's a telltale sign he's fallen asleep. He'll lie there for awhile, just taking in the feeling of the other laying curled against him.]